Monday, January 5, 2015

List of 10: Ten Fears I'm Having Right Now

Poking through a book, Journal to the Self, I see 100 Things to Write a List of 100 About.... Well at this point I do not have enough time for 100 but 10.... I can try. 

Fear.... doesn't it just creep up out of nowhere? You are fine and dandy and then - BAM- as you are slowly drifting off to sleep something wakes your mind and fills you will a bad thoughts and you break into a cold sweat. This was my entry into sleep last night. As I tossed and turned thinking about what a terrible daughter I am, fear overcame and by three in the morning I was tired enough to calm my nerves and drift into slumber.

10 Fears I'm Having Right Now


1. My Father is Disappointed in Me: I was a bit perturbed at him over Thanksgiving and because I am a witch sometimes, I didn't send him anything for Christmas-YET. I'm working on it. It's taken me a bit to finish everything for him but it will be in the mail soon. So I am feeling like a terrible daughter who didn't send her father or step-mother a thing for Christmas. 

2. Work is SLOW: January and February are always slow in retail but this year my company has decided to be closed on Mondays and cut hours majorly. Instead of my normal schedule I am down to three nine total hours a week. We have a lot planned and just got done with a lot of traveling so I fear about money.

3. Douglas Driving: She just started driving a couple of weeks ago and I worry constantly about her becoming involved in an automobile accident or hitting someone. Teens just don't understand how their lives would be forever changed if by some horrible accident, they ran over or killed someone. As a parent I hope they never have to understand or feel the pain of taking someone's life by accident.

4. The Living Room Needs to Be Replaced: Want to know why I don't post many photos from the living room? The couch is one of the faux-leather guys that has peeled so much it looks like a fabric sofa now. Also the main chair is so filthy I'm surprised the dog still sits on it.

5. It Isn't Going to Snow this Year: I want snow. We are going to Snowshoe at the end of this month and I'm afraid there isn't going to be a ton of snow. The last time we planned a ski trip, one slope was up and running because of the absence of snow. 

6. We Can't Afford Joe a New Car: We have been planning on letting Douglas drive Joe's Acura since she was thirteen and now that it's time to hand over the car, I'm afraid we can't afford another one. I have a lot of concerns over money.... 

7. My Grandfather is Going to Pass Soon: My dad's dad, Doug, has leukemia and he is constantly in and out of the hospital. He is still in ICU now as I type and may not get out. 

8. Molly is Getting Old: Our dog is ten and although that is not old, for a Golden Retriever she is getting on up in years. Big dogs don't live as long as small dogs for a variety of reasons. Molly has issues with her joints and it makes me sad when she hobbles to get up.

9. I'm not an Excellent Mother: I don't volunteer enough. I haven't written some amazing novel my kids can be proud of. I don't make homemade bread and cakes. I don't have some nest egg I can leave. I'm not perfect.

10. I Should Be Doing More With My Life.

Do any of you guys have fears that wake you from your sleep at night? 

1 comment:

  1. Ooooh... I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. I have a feeling everything will work out for you but I know how it is to lose sleep over things. I lose sleep over things constantly. For a few years now custody regarding my son has been something I lose sleep over. To put it in simple terms - it's very unfair situation. I can't write about it out of fear something will be used against me. I stress over money too. Oh, and I think you're an amazing mother. The internet has a way of making us feel like we aren't amazing cause other mommy bloggers are doing this or that with their children, etc. You know what? You love your children and you do a lot for them. Especially with giving your daughter a car. That's a lot more than most would do for their children. Hang in there! Things will all work out :)

    xo
    Rachel

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